Reflective Experience Mapping • Foundational Guide + Workbook
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Why I Created REM
The Endless Noise of Overthinking
The Unanswerable Questions
Seeing the Same Struggles in My Clients
The Universal Struggle
The Endless Noise of Overthinking
As a lifelong overthinker and anxious little bunny, I’ve spent years (decades!) navigating the noise, chaos, and ethical dilemmas of simply being human—juggling philosophical and practical questions about identity, relationships, climate anxiety, global upheaval, and the inner workings of my own brain. Add in mental health challenges, neurodivergence, and the weight of chronic illness, and it’s no surprise my cognitive wheels sometimes spin out of control... or grind to a halt.
The Unanswerable Questions
When I’m stuck in my head, I find myself looping on questions like:
- Was that my fault?
- Am I asking for too much?
- Am I too much? (or not enough?)
- Am I even seeing this clearly?
- Am I fucking crazy?
- Am I a good person?
I catch myself wondering am I craving something more or different because something genuinely needs to change, or is it just because I'm fucked up? And it’s not just relationships—it’s everything: work, friends, family, love, even having fun. I get stuck trying to work out whether the problem is actually me or if there’s something bigger going on.
Seeing the Same Struggles in My Clients
As I worked through these patterns in my own life, I noticed the same struggles showing up in the lives of my clients—thoughtful, articulate people standing at crossroads, grappling with decisions about their futures:
“I want more for my life than this, but I get so overwhelmed by all the options. I don’t know if I’m crazy because my life is so great… on paper. But what if I change it and later regret it?”
“I adore my partner—they’re kind, thoughtful, and stable. But sometimes I just get so fucking bored. If I don’t initiate things, they’ll literally never happen. Am I asking for too much?”
“I’ve met someone else who feels like a better fit for my values and lifestyle, but I love my partner. Do I risk everything for what might be an illusion?”
“My partner and I are in conflict over a big life decision. I love them deeply, but I also yearn for this other thing. How do I choose between the love of my life and the life I’ve dreamed of?”
“I’m starting a new relationship. It’s exciting but overwhelming. How do I know if I can work through these big feelings or if it’s just not for me?”
The Universal Struggle
These questions don’t have easy answers. They’re layered, nuanced, and messy—leaving many of us trapped in exhausting cycles of overthinking and doubt. It’s a kind of mental fuckery I know all too well, and if you’re nodding along right now… bitch, tell me I’m not the only one…
How Does REM Work?
Reflective Experience Mapping (REM) is all about stepping back to explore the influences, blind spots, and personal patterns shaping your experiences.
It helps you make sense of questions like:
- What’s driving my feelings? Are they rooted in my past, my partner, or something else entirely?
- What beliefs, assumptions, or relational patterns might be keeping me stuck?
- Which parts of this are mine to work on, and which parts are about the other person—or our dynamic together?
Instead of getting stuck in the noise of emotions or rushing to make decisions, REM helps you pause and map out the factors at play. It invites you to notice the broader context—your internal patterns, relational roles, and the societal forces shaping how you see the world.
Examing Patterns & Perspectives
Over the years, I’ve refined Reflective Experience Mapping (REM) as a process I use both in my own life and with clients. It’s a practical, adaptable tool for navigating three key levels of perspective: feeling and meaning, curiosity and reflection, and engaging with deeper ethical or philosophical questions.
It’s designed to help you figure out where you are in the moment and what’s most helpful next. Whether you’re deep in your emotions, trying to understand the patterns at play, or stepping back to explore the broader context, REM offers a clear pathway forward.
Here’s how it works:
- Content – Start by being in it—naming and untangling the specifics of what you’re experiencing. What happened? How did you feel? What meaning are you giving it? This stage helps you connect with your immediate experience without getting lost in it.
- Contours – Once the initial intensity has eased, step back to observe. What patterns, roles, or beliefs are shaping what’s happening? This level helps you notice the dynamics at play in your relationships and behaviors, revealing areas for reflection and change.
- Context – Finally, take a wider perspective. How are societal, cultural, or systemic influences shaping your experience? This stage offers a chance to connect your personal insights to the larger picture, shifting the focus from internal blame to understanding the external forces at work.
Each level is designed to meet you where you are, whether you’re overwhelmed by emotions or trying to gain clarity about a complex situation.
What's Included
The REM framework has been designed with simplicity and practicality in mind:
- Clear Explanations: Each level—Content, Contours, and Context—includes three aspects: Content (Event, Emote, Narrate), Contours (Roles, Rules, Realms), and Context (Self, Systems, Society).
- Guided Question Sets: Engage deeply with each level and its aspects through tailored question sets designed for elicitation, reflection, and consolidation.
- Worksheets: Structured tools for mapping reflections, tracking patterns, and consolidating insights.
All prices are listed in Australian Dollars (AUD). To help my US and EU visitors, here’s a quick reference for popular prices:
$38.70 AUD ≈ $24.71 USD, €21.71 EUR
$77.40 AUD ≈ $49.42 USD, €43.41 EUR
$112.20 AUD ≈ $71.64 USD, €62.93EUR
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