FAQ
Relationship Coaching Questions
Relationship coaches and marriage counsellors share many of the same tools & techniques.
The key difference is the training of each practitioner, the school of therapy that informs their approach, and the requirements of professional bodies for registration and supervision. In Australia, relationship coaches do not have a regulating body, nor requirements for registration or supervision.
Marriage counsellors do have a regulating body, and membership requires registration and supervision but those things aren't necessary to practice.
Having said that, my commitment to professionalism and high standards means that I continually participate in ongoing education, and seek out mentoring.
I've written more about this here: Spilling the Tea on Relationship Coaches, Marriage Counsellors, Psychologists, and Psychotherapists
I take an experimental approach, incorporating movement alongside curious conversations to guide partner/s & individuals to discover their own unique dynamics.
I'm committed to partner/s therapy that is;
- explorative, not presciptive
- about skills building, not person fixing
- highlights & leverages strengths
The relationship coaching methods I use are primarily influenced & informed by the following therapeutic approaches;
- Integrative Systemic Therapy
- The Doherty Approach (Bill Doherty)
- The Developmental Model (Ellyn Bader & Pete Pearson)
- Alice Haemmerle's Client Code™
- Somatic Modalities- The Non-Linear Movement Method and Movement Koān
I began my learning in 2013 with my early studies at The Coaching Institute.
These days I feel conflicted about even referencing them, it is a deeply disturbing environment that employs cult-like approaches to personal development. This causes great harm to many students; financially, mentally, and emotionally.
I personally experienced some great harms as both a student and an employee, AND I also received deep insights and powerful education. It changed the course of my life.
I still use some frameworks, and tools that I learned from TCI, but I have a very different approach to coaching. I don't vibe with the massive change overnight, spiritual bypassing "manifest your destiny", or pull yourself up by the bootstraps models of thinking.
In 2015 I joined a group where I was mentored by Alice Haemmerle who has been one of the greatest influences on not just my work, but in my life. Alice is where I saw the living model of coaching from love. That group had a deep and long lasting impact on me and some of my dearest friends are people I met through that program. I was part of that program for a few years.
Since 2019 I have been directly taught by Michaela Boehm, & Steve James, in the specific contexts of the Non-Linear Movement Method Teacher Training (Levels 1 and 2), The Wild Woman's Way Teacher Training, and ongoing annual women's study groups. Their approach to teaching & facilitating has heavily influenced my orientation to my client work.
I've directly worked with anticapitalist coach Bear Hebert, who has been a guiding light for me in business & marketing. Their support in private coaching sessions, in their free self-paced course Freely; An Anti-Capitalist Guide to Pricing Your Work, their group marketing course Marketing for Weirdos, and their written work & videos, has deeply inspired me and informs my work. I continue to work with Bear as my business coach.
I have indirectly learned from (through online workshops and certifications); Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Instant Insight Communication Systems™, Nkem Ndefo & Rae Johnson, Bear Hebert, Dr Alexandra Solomon, The Doherty Institute, Dara Hoffman-Fox's Trans-Affirming Therapists Academy, and Esther Perel's Sessions Platform.
I am informed & inspired by published work, online education, and content from; Brené Brown, , Martha Kauppi, Esther Perel, Dr Alexandra Solomon, Ian Kerner, Stephen Porges, Peter Levine, Dean Spade, The Centre for Humane Technology, and more.
This is by no means a full accounting - I'm a voracious learner and read & listen to a lot of influences.
I am currently studying The Developmental Model.
Let me position myself so you can be clearer on whether I am a good fit;
I am a white, married, middle-class, cis, bi, able bodied, neuro diverse (ADHD) woman, living with chronic fatigue.
I invite people of all intersections who feel like my approach & style is a good fit for them. There are many couples therapists from many backgrounds with varied levels of expertise. I'm always happy to work with you to find the right fit for relationship coaching for you, and make to referrals to other therapists - connecting you with support is the most important thing.
A good way to establish whether we are a good fit, is for us to have a chat on the phone. You will get a better sense of how I am, and have an opportunity to ask any questions. I will be able to get clear on whether your challenges fit with my skillset, and we can decide whether to work together or I may refer you to someone I think is a better fit.
I am not a psychologist, counsellor, nor a trauma therapist.
If you are navigating issues including active untreated addiction, acute mental illness, or complex psychological issues, then I am not the best fit for you.
While relationship coaching will address the relational aspects of issues that arise from the above, individuals also require specific treatment with a therapist who has expertise in those areas.
AND it's important to note that one of the key indicators for longterm recovery or management of these issues is the quality of an individuals relationships. From this perspective couples therapy is a crucial part of addressing those issues!
A good way to establish whether we are a good fit, is for us to have a chat on the phone. You will get a better sense of how I am, and have an opportunity to ask any questions. I will be able to get clear on whether your challenges fit with my skillset, and we can decide whether to work together or I may refer you to someone I think is a better fit.
I've adapted this framework from Dara Hoffman-Fox's Trans-Affirming Therapist Academy worksheet... which was inspired by "Kink Awareness Definitions" from Kink Aware Professionals!
The definitions here are quoted directly from Dara HF in reference to Nonbinary awareness, which I've applied to other social identities.
Friendly - "Provider has a rudimentary knowledge of identity, but not an in-depth knowledge. They are open-minded, non-judgmental, and accepting. Therapist has only general knowledge about this population, but desires to learn more."
Aware - "Provider has a more refined knowledge of concepts and population. Has researched and learned terminology and area specific issues. Has more than likely provided professional services to this population."
Knowledgeable - "Provider has extensive knowledge of the population and the concepts involved. They have a thorough understanding of the varied issues affecting the community and its individuals. They have provided professional services to multiple individuals in this population".
And I've added;
Affirming - This term overlaps somewhat with all the above terms because it means open-minded, non-judgemental, and accepting. I've used it to indicate those things very quickly at a glance for folks who aren't familiar with the other terms and don't click through to read more.
I currently assess myself to be;
LGBTQIA+ Affirming & Aware · Consensual Non-monogamy Affirming & Knowledgeable (including Polyamory, Open Relationships, The Lifestyle, and more) · Trans/Gender-Nonconforming/Non-Binary Affirming & Aware · Kink/BDSM Affirming & Friendly · Neurodiversity Affirming & Knowledgeable (ASD, ADHD)
Relationship Coaching Logistics
I only have one program that I offer, which is 3 months and includes 6 sessions plus online resources and email support.
This program has a combination of both individual, and partner/s sessions. Ideally we see each other fortnightly, with some flexibility for life getting in the way!
There are a few reasons I do it this way;
- Working with clients in a session-to-session way creates loaded vibes. It reframes your experience as an expectation that a session will "fix something", and then if it doesn't, that "it didn't work".
Working with relationship coaches is similar to working with a personal trainer; you learn technique, get feedback, and are guided during sessions, AND it is the consistent application of those techniques BETWEEN sessions that brings results.
- Three months requires you to frame your expectations that change takes time. It frees you from making relationship decisions day-to-day, and provides you with a framework to implement tools and calibrate the effect, with ongoing coaching & support.
- I don't vibe with sales fuckery. I choose to not implement tools like "the silver, gold, platinum package choice" or other manipulative sales techniques. Just one program based on what I believe is the minimum block of time for you to begin to get traction.
The short answer is: I don't know. There are many factors that influence this, and each set of partner/s is unique.
There are a few common ways my clients approach this;
1 or 2 specific issues. These partner/s have specific defined issues that they need to shake out, and simply need some guidance. Within the scope of our sessions they develop the skills required to move forwards and manage their challenges as a team.
More issues. For partner/s with more complicated issues or a longer history, 6 sessions is unlikely to be enough to work through their priorities.
In this instance I suggest completing the first 3 months, then taking a short break to continue to implement what you have learned. The next steps are to decide between individual sessions, or another block of partner/s work. This will depend on your unique circumstances and we will collaborate on these options.
- Some partner/s find that at this point our work together is complete, which is wonderful.
- Many work with me for 12 months (4 x 3 month blocks) to really get to the heart of their issues.
- Others like to book in from time-to-time for some 'maintenance', or to resolve a specific issues as they come up.
Navigating Separation. Some partner/s decide that they don't want to stay together. This doesn't have to be awful! Especially where they still need to have ongoing collaborative contact (perhaps they are co-parents, own a business, or share a community).
Either way I strongly recommend working with a relationship coach to provide support as you work through your breakup and to help define the scope of your future interactions so that you maintain respect & kindness between you.
Acute and/or Immediate Distress. For partner/s who are experiencing acute & immediate distress, the initial goal is to reestablish stability in the home, to work with nervous system regulation, and to rebuild mutual respect.
In this circumstance I suggest accelerating the session frequency to weekly for 6 weeks, then commencing a second program of fortnightly sessions shortly afterwards.
After those 12 sessions over 4.5 months we would assess together whether it would be good to take a break from coaching to implement what you have learned, or to continue working together. This will depend on your unique circumstances and we will collaborate on these options.
A 3 month program is AUD$387 per month, for 3 months. So, AUD$1161.
For my American clients - that's about $270ish per month (check latest conversion rate )
You can pay that however your pay cycle rolls (weekly, fortnightly, monthly).
That works out to be around one session per fortnight, but there is lots of flexibility to take that over a longer time to allow for the inevitabilities of life!
Absolutely.
I am committed to accessibility for everyone who wants to do relational work.
Longer-term, shame-free, no extra cost payment plans are available, no questions asked. If $387 per month is beyond your budget, we'll work something out!
This approach & the language about payment plans is written by anti-capitalist coach Bear Hebert.
- Because noone should ever be shamed, tricked, bullied, manipulated, or coerced into believing you need fixing, and that relationship coaching will 'fix' you.
- Because NO program will ever be the answer to you finding happiness, nor the answer to your yearning.
- Because I no longer want to contribute to the noise.
- Because I don't want to punish you for not having money.
- Because money should not be a barrier to accessing support for your relationship.
- Because Capitalism requires that some people hold wealth while others are oppressed, and that is not my jam.
So: Fuck Capitalism, and Fuck Sales.
I'm actively working to communicate in a way that strikes a balance between generosity in education, gentle reminders, and supportive enquiry. I'm actively working to rewrite all my shit and take out the push, the nudge, the sell. It's hard (because capitalism) and also because that balance is different for each of you.
I'm inviting you now to help me to get that right, by replying to give me thoughtful feedback.
Sure do!
Online relationship coaching is a life-saver for partner/s & individuals. No need to travel, find baby sitters, or juggle busy calendars.
I use Zoom.
I see clients face-to-face from my office in Toronto in the beautiful Lake Macquarie region, on the land of the Awabakal people.
Parking is easy, and we have a beautiful and private space that overlooks bush land to hold our sessions.
I acknowledge that this land on which I live, work, & play is the stolen land of the Awabakal people. This land was never ceded. I pay respects to Elders past, present and emerging, and acknowledge their continuation of connection to this land, water, and community.